Time for some towel chucking

Well, I’ve finally accepted I’m not going to write 60k words this month. Which is way sucky because that means my word goal for October is going to be nearly 71k.

We fly out Thursday morning. That’s ohmygodohmygodohmygod less than 36 hours. I signed up for a plotting workshop. And a writing contest. You guys wanna read a hella depressing story? Here you go. And then that moment where you look at what you entered into a contest and go, “Wow, that’s really quite rubbish.” Anyway. Impostor Syndrome? Or just cold stark reality going, WTF YOU THOUGHT THIS WAS GOOD ENOUGH TO ENTER INTO A CONTEST?!

14322538_10100591737979431_1513431989361099003_nMy friend told me I had to let one thing slide. Well, I’m letting my word goal slide. I printed out my Defiant Canary manuscript. Of all my mss, I think Defiant Canary is going to be the easiest to edit and revise and get out there. Maybe that’s me just being lazy. But, maybe it’s just the nudge I need to get things rolling again. If I can get another book out and under my belt, then all the rest of the things that need finishing (I hear you manuscript pile! stfu!) can get finished too. Here’s the first chapter to The Defiant Canary. It’s… a weird story. I definitely write for myself. It’s paranormal romance with a touch of Lovecraft horror. Anyway. It’s rad and fun and sexy and has some fun characters doing some rad stuff.😀

So, I have a little dose of failure-itis, not going to hit my goal, but… I still have October and I have November. And I have a rad book lined up for NaNoWriMo this year. I hit 85k last NaNoWriMo and I should be able to do that again.

Oh, one last discovery. I don’t value revision as highly as I value writing. A piece of me is delving into invisible work territory. Just like women’s work is undervalued because it’s invisible, maybe revision does the same? I have a blog post banging around about invisible work in my head that has been meaning to come out and I just haven’t done it yet. Anyway. I need a way to quantify my revision work. Or at least to see that it’s making a difference. Or… something.

This is probably my last post from US shores. And I’m not sure how much I’ll be posting from Okinawa. I’ll definitely be on Insta, so follow along there for sure.

And, I’ll be looking for test readers for the Defiant Canary when I get home in October. So, if you’re interested in that, email me at tremblingtrimble at gmail . com with BETA in the subject line and how you’d like your version, either pdf or for Kindle.

All my bags are packed, it’s early morn

I hate to wake you up… but I need a ride to the airport.

My best friend is having her baby in Okinawa. I’m packing up my Entropy Machine to fly across the ocean and take care of her and her family.

Of course, since I’m an idiot, I’ve also signed up for a plotting workshop and a flash fiction contest. I’m also going to be working through two manuscripts on the plane. I don’t sleep  well on planes and I don’t know if my vigilance could be low enough for me to sleep with my kid on a plane, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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no, not Loki. Low-key

It’ll be fun to see Japan through my kid’s eyes. She’ll be four next month, so she’s going to be old enough to remember this through that weird early childhood lens. I hope she has a rad time. I’m pretty low-key when it comes to adventure. I’ll deal with whatever comes. Hungry? Cold? No toothbrush for a week? Forget to pack a bra? Whatevs. It’s an adventure and it’ll make a rad memory. But my kid? Goddamn, I’d about die if my kid was cold and hungry.

Anyway. I’m busting my ass getting ready, churning through words trying to get everything ready to blow this taco stand. Make sure to follow along on Instagram. I’ll be posting there pretty regularly (depending on my wifi, of course. Like hell I have int’l data roaming adventures 😂)

 

Impostor!

Sometimes I think the Dunning-Kruger effect and Impostor Syndrome are two sides of the same spectrum.

I’ve been reading lots of romance stuff all over the place and sometimes I’m certain my writing is better than what I just read. Like, significantly better. But the truth is,  I just don’t know any better.

Then, sometimes I’m certain I’m the crappiest writer that ever picked up a quill, or a pen, or picked at a keyboard and I can’t even call myself a writer. It’s all so goddamn fake I can’t even stand it.

If I could just find my Golden Mean between the two. Or if you prefer Buddhist philosophy, the Middle Way. (Have I mentioned I have a philosophy degree? It pops up in the most absurd places sometimes in my daily life. I can’t recommend a philosophy degree enough. Interesting and fun to play with.)

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Heh, or maybe me thinking that the Dunning-Kruger Effect is at play is Impostor Syndrome making me doubt myself. That I do know what good writing is and I can write well and it’s only my self-doubt making me question it?

In any case, it’s a fun sandbox to play in. And hopefully, I’ll find my Golden Mean sometime soon.

Conundrum:

I feel like listening to the Hamilton soundtrack (again. some more) but I’m scared I’ll get burned out on it.

I guess this means time for writing because I can’t listen to it and write. Hello, Kiri Te Kanawa! I think this is my favorite Figaro on youtube. And my favorite writing music. Well, for this project at least😀

What’s your favorite writing music? Put your favorite youtube video in the comments!

Snatched From The Jaws of Defeat!!

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Well well. I managed to do it. Almost, heh. Well, I will do it tomorrow.

The hubband has been out a lot lately and I’ve had a hell of a time keeping up the writing with him gone.

I was going to throw in the towel because it was too much to catch up. That was just too hard.

But my story has been whispering, “Hey. Write me. You can still hit 500k for the year as long as you write ~2k words a day. Doesn’t matter if you hit your stretch goal for the month because you just need ~2k today.”

I’m almost there. I’m going to hit the hay in a minute, but goddamn, it feels so good to be hitting 50k this month. Especially when it looked like I wouldn’t.

Something about a story finally firing on all cylinders and that moment of, “*gasp* I think [redacted] is going to die! But I love him. Oh, no! I love him!” and the sheer doggedness to get this story out. And the goal to have 4 stories written this year. (Aside. How many stories have I written this year?! I’m not even sure now. No, like legit, wtf have I written? Several half-cooked/finished stories and The Defiant Canary. At least I’ve accomplished something, heh. I feel like there was something else. No, maybe this is right.)

Screen Shot 2016-08-30 at 10.54.28 PMAnyway. I have my plan for NaNoWriMo for this year. I sent my friend the first part I wrote a few years ago. I had characters and a hook, but no plot. A few days ago a random plot dropped into my head from a plot faerie and I was, “Why, hello plot. I’d like to introduce you to my dear friends, character and hook.”

I’m getting super excited for November now.

My favorite thing with romance novels is I have the destination and some major wayposts. Fall in love. Break up. Get back together. Have some smashing hot sex along the way. But how they do those things… I have no idea. My notebook is full of story ideas and hooks and “Well, why do they break up?” I have no idea how things will happen. Sometimes my little darlings surprise me. And generally, I let them. I just follow them around and write down their exploits. Somehow, it makes me feel better to say they are the ones doing it. Not me. I don’t do mean, horrible things to people. But my characters? Some of them are fucking assholes. 😂

Anyway. Enough rambles for tonight. I’m just super excited about meeting my goal. Well, almost meeting it. Being caught up enough that I can pretty positively say I’ll hit it tomorrow. Here’s to scribbling and here’s to perseverance and here’s to just fucking doing it.

In other news, anyone know where I can find a gluten-free black and white cookie in Salt Lake?

Back on the Horse

That migraine knocked me out and off schedule. I’ve been having a hell of a time getting my shit back together.

It’s hard to maintain. It’s hard to find the motivation to wear so many hats. And maybe that’s just being whiny. I’ve always had some executive function issues. I had a hell of a time in high school. I’d always put things off until the very last minute. Same for college. The fact I was even able to put Just for Kicks up for sale is something of a miracle. It still surprises me sometimes.

So, trying to figure out how to make my brain work for me, not just get into its weird little ant trails, has been an ongoing challenge. Making rules has helped a lot. When I made the rule, I wake up early to write, I’ve woken up around six almost every day. Actually getting out of bed and writing didn’t happen, but I was awake. And goofing around on Facebook and Instagram. All the productivity stuff I follow is all about that first half hour of the day. And I’ve been frittering it away on social media nothingness.

But, I was up early this morning. Six. Without an alarm. Just Bzzzt! and I was awake. And I wanted to go back to sleep, but I just haven’t been able to fall asleep asleep after waking up. Just this shitty dozing that does nothing but make me crabby. I  figured out how my new project is going to start and I have a first chapter. That’s a real big motivator. I’ve been perseverating on it and now that I have it, I’m feeling it.

I know writing is war of attrition. I saw a presentation by Kristen Lamb a while back. She said that of everyone who wants to write a book, only 5% will actually start. Of those 5%, only 5% will finish. Of them, only 5% will edit. And on and on. Same goes with blogging. All you can do is just keep doing it.

So here I am. I’m just going to keep on keeping on.

WOOOOOOO

The Defiant Canary clocked in at 136,116 words. I hit my word goal of 63,969 for Camp NaNoWriMo. I’m super excited I hit my word goal this month.

And I’m super bummed. Like mega-super-duper bummed. I really liked playing in this story. The characters were fun. The plot was all romance meets Lovecraft (well, lite. I’m missing out on all the racism and my cultists were, well, namby-pamby).

Now…. Well, I guess it’s time to start working on revising. This was a fun story. Last year’s NaNoWriMo was super fun too. I need to get these out.

Time to start doing the hard work. Time to start nibbling on that shit sandwich. Hey look! An olive!!

Because when's the last time you trembled from delight?